When I find myself returning to the Word after being away from it for some time, I often find myself at a loss for where to start reading again. Honestly, I adore Paul’s letters, but I sometimes worry I favor them too much and need to read other parts of Scripture because I know that ALL scripture is God-breathed and useful for all the things. But those letters… Tonight, I couldn’t get the words “glorious riches” out of my mind. Of course, a quick search in YouVersion led me to Ephesians and Colossians. I started reading Colossians and found my thoughts just spilling out of me so here they are.
I resonate with Paul SO MUCH. Maybe that’s why I love his letters so deeply. When I read them, I am moved deep in my spirit in bizarre ways. Usually, the Holy Spirit brings someone or a group of people to mind as if I were reading his letter to them, from me. This passage in Colossians is no exception.
Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness – the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord’s people. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me. I want you to know how hard I am contending for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.Colossians 1:24-2:5, NIV
When I pray for the preteens and teens that have come through the Student Ministry at our church (grades 5-12) and when I read Paul’s letters, I feel the weight Paul must have felt as he wrote to the churches at the time. I actually feel that same weight when I’m diving into the Word and writing in this space. When I’m not spending time with God regularly (and actually pausing to listen rather than just talking to Him), I lose my desire to write. And with that I lose the ability to and passion for communicating His Word. Truthfully, I can’t communicate what I’m not spending time in myself. Oo, I feel like I need to camp here for a minute. I love to write, its why I have an insane amount of journals. The more time I spend with God on a regular basis, the more I feel this gift is exercised and I actually grow in them. But when I’m inconsistent or not setting aside time to quiet myself before God, I lose that creativity. I can’t learn about and grow in the gifts God created in me if I’m not spending time with Him, the one who gave me these gifts. Chills, you guys.
You know who I thought of as I read this passage in Colossians? YOU! Every person that has and will ever read this blog. When I write, I can feel myself praying these things that Paul has written over you all. What I desire, more than anything, is to be able to help bring to life what God has already imparted to us in His Word. I literally can’t read the Bible without feeling that spark ignited inside to share what God is stirring up. And that hasn’t typically been me. 10 years ago, I would never have believed God would want to use me to share His heart in this way. I despised making my thoughts about anything known in groups of more than two people. I never wanted to draw attention to myself because my whole face would turn red and I would stumble over my thoughts, so it was easier to just stay silent. Now here I am, still often stumbling over my thoughts trying to communicate whatever God lays on my heart.
When I write, I don’t always know where I’m going with it, and it often ends up being a rambling mess that I can’t imagine sharing because it doesn’t fit into some “niche” or “brand” as the blogging world recommends. I started out in 2018 with a goal to build this blog and create additional income. If I’ve learned anything over the last few years, it’s that I don’t have time for that. Yes, I could “make time” but I’d rather just write what’s on my heart and mind and if it resonates with someone, awesome! If not, that’s okay. I’ll still be here, doing my thing – even if I feel really out of the game from a tech standpoint.
Side not: is this what growing up and maturing is all about? Realizing you’re more of a mess than when you were younger but actually being content with it? If that’s the case, I must be on the right track!
Here’s to 26 and becoming acquainted with the woman I grew up to be, even though she isn’t who I expected her to be and giving her the grace to be the mess that she often is.
Here are a couple of my latest posts (latest meaning within the last two years 😉 ) if you’d like to check them out!